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Three phrases to avoid if we want to raise confident children

Three phrases to avoid if we want to raise confident children

Parents often use expressions with the best intentions that can inadvertently cause insecurity in children.

According to Lily Howard Scott, educator and author of The Words That Shape Us, the way we talk to children, especially in their early years, shapes the way they talk to themselves later.

"The way we talk to young children becomes the way they talk to themselves," explains Scott.


Here are three types of phrases parents should avoid to help their children develop self-confidence.

Statements relating the child's character to his behavior

Avoid sentences that equate the child's character with his actions. For example, instead of saying, "You are irresponsible," say, "That was an irresponsible decision."

This approach separates the process from the child's personality and sends the message that mistakes do not define who they are. This gives them room to learn and grow.

The praise you give and compare children to you

It's normal to be pleased when a child shares your interests or shows similar abilities, but it's important to avoid comments like, "Oh, you're a mathematician, just like me."

Such statements can create the impression that your love is conditional on the child being similar to you. Instead, celebrate their talents and interests without tying them to yours. For example, say, "You seem to really like math."

Focus on success, not effort

Avoid language that praises results exclusively rather than the process that led to them. If your child gets a great grade on a test, instead of just saying, "Well done for an A!", say, "I'm proud of all the effort you put into studying."

This approach shows the child that you appreciate his effort and work, not just the result.

Scott explains that the first years of life are extremely important in shaping a child's self-perception. Even if the child does not seem to fully understand or respond to what we say, he absorbs the words and assimilates them.

Parents should be aware that the way they talk to their children builds the foundation for their inner motivation, resilience and self-image. Focusing on process, individuality and separating behavior from personality are key to raising a confident child.