Psychologist claims that for a happy and long marriage, two things must be accepted

No one enters marriage thinking that something will go wrong in this new chapter of life, but the fact is that often something bad does. A healthy marriage is not something that just happens. It is the result of a mutual relationship that requires conscious effort from both partners. If you want it, you have to build it together as a couple. And to succeed at this, you first have to accept two things, according to psychologist Mark Travers.

This psychologist revealed to Psychology Today what two things you need to accept to build a happy and long marriage, we reveal below.

You can't change your partner's needs.

In most marriages, one partner's habits and ways of relaxing may be annoying or irritating to the other, but in the end they are not really harmful. Just because something doesn't work for you doesn't mean it needs to be "fixed." Trying to change your partner to fit an idealized image in your head will only cause them dissatisfaction.

Of course, this doesn't apply to behaviors that are clearly harmful or unhealthy. But occasional needs or preferences that don't match yours aren't a problem; they're actually healthy. Evenings with friends, hobbies, or simply enjoying solitude are signs that your partner is taking care of their health and happiness. Such habits can be cultivated in parallel with a relationship. What's more, they can have a positive impact on the marriage itself.

The choice is yours: use that time for something that makes you happy or spend it feeling unhappy. "The key to a balanced marriage is to let go of the idea that your partner's individual happiness is a threat to your own. Accept that individuality in marriage is not only normal, but healthy, and take the opportunity to nurture your own interests," adds Travers.

Your partner can't read your mind.

In an ideal world, your partners would know exactly when and how you need help, without you having to tell them. But reality isn't like that. Your partner would have to be a mind reader to know exactly what you need, and unfortunately, that's not yet possible.

Research published in the journal Marriage and Families shows that the belief that your partner should know your needs without you having to express them is one of the most common misconceptions about marital satisfaction. These “mind-reading” assumptions are based on the idea of ​​a nonexistent psychic connection between partners.

"Marriage teaches us to be clear about our needs. Some problems are obvious, but many are not. That's why communication is the essence of a healthy marriage," Travers explains to Psychology Today.

Expecting your partner to intuitively know your needs will only lead to disappointment. A happy marriage requires constant, open communication and honesty, even when you're uncomfortable saying what you need. If you know your partner wants a happy marriage as much as you do, trust that they'll be there for you when you make it clear.