By: Sergey Maidukov, Ukrainian writer / The Guardian
Translated by: Agron Shala / Telegrafi.com
I have my share of flaws, just like everyone else. Neither my caffeine habit nor my relentless obsession with the news cycle are exactly good vices, but they were mere trifles compared to my obsession with being right. I loved arguing about everything – from kitchen paint color to the origin of a famous quote, or even something as trivial as what to eat for dinner. Day or night I was always ready to pick a fight with anyone who had the misfortune of striking up a conversation with me.
My challengers included my children, my wife, friends and even strangers. During these debates, I could tease, retort vehemently, or even behave in a superior dismissive manner. But the truth was, I never really listened to the other person's point of view. For some unknown reason, I always considered my argument the most competent and tried to prove it in every possible way.
My fixation on being right has been a pillar in my life and has often caused trouble in my family; there were times when my marriage became strained and my children became distant. The longest fight I had was with my parents and it lasted for almost a year. Even minor disagreements tended to erupt. When I tried to keep my cool, I lost my temper with nervousness. I didn't believe that old habits are so durable. My vice seemed immortal. Eternal.
But an afternoon with my niece – some 70 years my junior – opened my eyes to the impact my behavior was having on the people around me. We were playing a game when she made a move that broke the rules. I corrected it but she kept making the same mistake again. I read the rules out loud and asked him if he understood them this time. She smiled at me and nodded. "Grandpa, why do you magnify things?" she asked. "It's just a game. We're here to have fun, right?”
Something about her words really struck a chord with me. We weren't there to be right; we were there to enjoy ourselves – when to roll the dice or how to move the pieces, these things were merely secondary. What really mattered was our connection and the moments we shared together.
A few days later, my son came over for dinner. During the meal, he gave a view that seemed to me baseless, if not absurd. Usually, I would have thrown myself headlong into a heated argument with him, always feeling guilty in the end for being stubborn. But this time, when I moved my lips to answer, I realized that I filled my fork with food and put it in my mouth, savoring it silently. My niece's words echoed in my mind – we were here to have fun, weren't we? Really, was it worth ruining the evening just to prove my point?
My sobriety surprised me. But what really struck me as I listened was my desire to understand. This experience brought me a joy that far exceeded the fleeting pleasure of winning an argument.
When I analyze things, I realize that my desire to win had nothing to do with the search for truth, but with the desire to show that I was better than others. I wanted people to see me as the smartest, most capable person in the room, and by always having the last word I felt like I was proving things. What I realized was that my behavior was having the opposite effect. I gained no respect or appreciation by being stubborn. I gained much more by releasing pe than by reacting.
And the more I practiced this, the better I mastered the art of silence. What I never could have predicted was how much my overall happiness would improve – just by calmly listening to others, without interrupting or becoming overly emotional. Learning to hold back my tongue muscle doesn't mean I now passively accept everyone's opinion. But it has taught me to have a new tolerance for differences. After all, no one is forcing me to nod in agreement to every statement. When I disagree with someone, a simple shrug or a neutral response like “Who knows? Maybe?” can also perform work.
I cannot claim to have achieved perfection. From time to time I still feel a familiar seething wave of irritation that has the potential to derail my sobriety strategy. But as with all difficult things in life, persistence is key. Once I realized I could make changes to control my behavior, I began to notice all the other areas of my life that could benefit from a fine-tune—like buying a new sweater and suddenly noticing that the rest of my wardrobe had need to refresh. Drinking too much coffee and tea was one of the vices that no longer had an effect on me. Because once I calmed down the stresses of conflicts with loved ones, I realized that I no longer had the same desire for caffeine.
I now realize that arguing at the dinner table is like choosing to drink one more cup of coffee or one more glass of wine, or to spend an extra hour (sometimes two or three) on social media. These are matters of self-discipline and nothing more. In theory, I've always understood this concept, but it took the intervention of a seven-year-old to put it into practice. After all, we're here to have fun, right? /Telegraph/
Promo
Advertise herePrigozhin - Putin war
More
Against long hair

Saying for women: Educating a woman means educating a society

Rubaiyat

Between Enlightenment and Romanticism: The Political Thought of the Albanian Renaissance

Leonardo's painting sells for $450.3 million

"And Finally" by Henry Marsh: Life Lessons from a Surgeon

104.5m² comfort - Luxurious apartment with an attractive view for your offices

Invest in your future - buy a flat in 'Arbëri' now! ID-140

Apartment for sale in Fushë Kosovë in a perfect location - 80.5m², price 62,000 Euro! ID-254

Ideal for office - apartment for rent ID-253 in the center of Pristina

Buy the house of your dreams in Pristina - DISCOUNT, grab the opportunity now! ID-123
Most read

The most voted LDK candidates from 60 percent of the votes counted

The Special Prosecution requests the court to order Kurti to appear to testify at the prosecution.

Trump claims Ukraine started the war with Russia

"Who is this", the moment when Gjesti confuses Jesus with the figure of Çerçiz Topulli in the BBVA spectacle

This is the updated list with the votes of the PDK candidates for MPs.

Kryeziu: The Kosovo Consulate in Stuttgart caused a scandal after organizing the anniversary of independence at the Islamic center